The High Cost of Friendship

DateLine (5/24/06 – Ponce, Puerto Rico)

I don’t have a lot of major regrets as I survey the landscape of my life, but one thing I do regret is that some friendships have slipped into the cold distance of time. Friends are hard to come by, and their loss is not to be celebrated. I’m had countless friends in the past that were closer than brothers at the time, but if I were to encounter them today they would be virtual strangers. So what happened?

Friendships are formed around shared experiences, communication, kindred spirits and proximity. Distance, lost communication and time apart can dull even the closest friendships. It’s a sad day when the realization dawns that a friendship is ebbing away. To be honest when that it occurs, one can adjust to rescue the relationship - but there is a cost; a relationship requires maintenance. We can choose to make the time, create the experiences, or pick up the phone. Unfortunately sometimes I’ve considered the facts, counted the cost, and decided that the cost was too high. The truth is we are faced with the reality of changing priorities, compressed schedules, insurmountable separations and evolving interests. Often it’s not a conscious decision at all; it’s simply neglect. Other times, it’s not our choice, the friend walked away.

I met him when I was very young, as a matter of fact I don’t ever remember a time when he wasn’t there. My parents introduced us. He lived in our home. Honestly, there was a time when I resented his presence; he crimped my style when I was attempting to find my place. On the way back from a summer camp as a teenager some mutual friends helped me to realize how special he was. He became my best friend when I was 16 years old. Of course I’m talking about Jesus.

Jesus acknowledges our friendship; it doesn’t detract from his divinity. Jesus said, “I have called you friends.” When you talk about the friendship of Jesus, the normal rules don’t apply. He’s the most unique friend that I’ve ever had. There is maintenance involved in the relationship but it’s interesting when I reengage it’s as it he never left. As a matter of fact, he promised that he would never leave. I’ve never gotten the impression he’s not listening, he doesn’t say much sometimes, but he always listens. Sometimes he’s blunt, but that’s OK because he’s always right and never ill intended and I’ve learned to trust his judgment. He’s been by my side during some of my most memorable moments, as a matter of fact, he’s been by my side during some of my darkest times.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from my friend Jesus, it’s the true value of friendship. The high cost of a friendship is the cross, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13. Lord teach me to be a friend like you.