Love Means

DateLine (2/14/07 – Nanuet, NY)

The year was 1970 (yes I was alive.) The hit move was Love Story, a tear-jerking “chick flic” which features a young married couple. They set out on the adventure of life estranged from the man’s father since the wife was a working class girl; not worthy of the father’s social standing. Financial struggles beset them as they scrape by, the young man attempting to finish law school supported by the wife on a teacher’s salary. In spite of the odds, he finishes school and lands a position with a prestigious law firm. They soon decide to have children only to be unsuccessful. While seeking medical assistance regarding the infertility they discover that she has terminal leukemia with only a short time to live. The medical bills once again strain their finances and the man is forced to go to his father for financial assistance but does not reveal the real reason to the father for the need. As you might have surmised, the wife dies and the young husband is left to deal with the cruel twist of fate and the strained relationship with his father.

The final scene in the movie depicts the son bumping into the father outside of the hospital where the father offers his apologies for the way their relationship had suffered and for the death of his true love. The most famous line in the movie was delivered by the son to the father; “love means you never have to say you’re sorry!”

I don’t know about you but that last line is about as bogus as anything that Hollywood has ever produced. In my experience love means you better be ready to say you’re sorry. I’m forever tripping over my humanity in my treatment of both casual and close acquaintances. The only way to get past the transgression is to say I’m sorry. I’m not talking mouthing half-hearted words of contrition. I’m talking about a heart-felt appeal for forgiveness that emanates from a place within us that is fueled by an implanted love. I’m talking about the love that is placed there by the Father.

Now I get it that the movie was attempting to express that in a loving relationship forgiveness is something that you don’t always have to ask for, it’s freely given. Even still I think that that is a misguided notion. I’m going to take my clue from my relationship with God, the ultimate example of love. Our first response to God is to say we’re sorry. It’s true that we know what the response will be, He’s already told us that He’ll forgive us, but there is something meaningful about mouthing the words; in some cases publicly.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness,” 1 John 1:9.
“Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven,” Matt. 10:32.

This is not about caving in to someone who has telegraphed an unwillingness to grant forgiveness. This is about a mutual desire to maintain a valued relationship. While it makes for good box office, to grant someone “permission” to never have to ask; the reality is “I’m sorry” is a signature of a healthy relationship.